Happy Birthday Daddy

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 60 years old. Ten years ago I took him to dinner at the restaurant I worked at. He wouldn't tell me how old he was. It wasn't until after he died that I knew for sure he was 50. He wouldn't admit it. So I put that he was 49 in his obituary. We both had the prime rib. I don't really remember what we talked about. The only thing I remember is that his doctor finally found medication that could help him sleep. He said he slept through the night for the first time in 30 years. He was so excited about it. All I can say is that I'm glad the coroner (or whomever) took all his meds because I probably would have taken them, and anything that could put my Dad to sleep would probably kill me. After he died, I would go out on his birthday and drink a Micolob, the beer he drank when we went out, to celebrate and kinda feel like I was spending time with him. I can't do that anymore. I don't know what to do to have that closeness I used to feel. One of the biggest things we had in common was our love of beer. I'll be honest, its almost enough to get me to drink. But I won't. I just know that this day is going to pass and I won't feel like I did anything to honor him or spend time with him. I wonder what I would have done for him? Probably something simple. I was a terrible daughter. I never spent enough time with him and I was the most important thing in the world to him. But I was a kid. My friends came first. I think, given the chance, I would have made that up to him. We buried him 2 days before Father's Day. I was going to take him to Sullivan's for dinner that night. I had Wednesdays off and I knew he went to the VA in Media on Wednesdays. I was going to ask him if he would want to have lunch on Wednesdays. I knew it would mean the world to him and I was looking forward to him getting to know me as a person, not just his little girl. But anyway, I really don't have a point, I just felt like talking about my Dad. Happy Birthday Daddy.

I can't stand Bill Belichick

The more I watch the Patriots the more and more I loathe them. Its almost on the same level as my abhorrence of the Dallas Cowboys. Putting aside 'spygate' for just a moment, Bill Belichick's reaction to losing to the Colts last season was beyond despicable. The Colts had been trying for years to beat the Pats. It was their biggest obstacle. And year after year the Patriots would defeat them. I'm sure it hurt to lose the AFC Championship game, but when Peyton Manning went straight to Belichick to shake his hand and he ignored Peyton and actually hit him with his shoulder as they passed, that was some of the poorest sportsmanship I have ever seen. I lost all respect for the Pats coach at that moment. I actually liked the Patriots up until that point, despite having beaten my Eagles in the Super Bowl. I thought they were an organization to be looked up to. But to snub a quarterback like that and give the winning team no credit showed such a lack of class. They've won 3 Super Bowls. It just made him look like a big f***ing baby. But as it turns out, maybe he was just mad that his cameras couldn't help them adjust to the Colts' offensive line. I think the Patriots cheating shows exactly what kind of coach Belichick is. I don't care if they didn't benefit on one play from what they recorded, they cheated. It doesn't matter how much or little they gained, they tried to gain an unfair advantage over everyone else. Not only that, but they didn't even have the guts to admit it. Misinterpretation of the rules my ass. Belichick is a cheater and a liar. To say he wouldn't discuss it until Commissioner Goodell made a decision and then after the ruling, say he wouldn't talk about the past, shows an incredible disrespect for the fans and the league. The punishment should have been much harsher. Belichick should have been suspended. I just hope his crimes won't be forgotten, even though they already seem to be. How people can continue to support a team that demonstrates such a blatant disrespect for everyone is beyond me. Their talent and achievements will always be tarnished in my eyes, no matter if they continue to be successful. Unfortunately, history will likely be more than kind to the Patriots and Bill Belichick. Records and rings don't care that you're not a good person.

I know I will see him again

How do people deal with the death of a loved one if they don't believe in God? Or life after death? How can you get over the loss of someone if you don't believe you will ever see them again? I never would have gotten through the death of my father if I didn't believe that he was in a better place, that I could talk to him whenever I wanted, and that I would see him again one day. It still took me years to get to a place where I was a (somewhat) functioning adult, but that was only through believing that he was always with me. I could never have coped with his absence if I thought that death was final and that he didn't know how I felt or that he forgave me for everything I was sorry for. One of my Dad's best friends was never able to come to terms with his passing because to him, my Dad was just gone. He blamed my Dad for dying and was the loneliest person I've ever known. I'm not saying that I didn't go through all of those emotions, but I could get some peace, some alleviation of that intense grief with the comfort of knowing he was with me. I suppose those who don't believe in God see faith in an afterlife as a coping mechanism, a crutch, that people believe in God and heaven because they desperately need to in order to come to terms with death. I believe that is true, but I also know that God is there and that there is a heaven. Faith is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it takes a very strong person to believe in something intangible. (I use the word intangible for those who don't believe. To me, with my experiences, God if very tangible indeed.) It takes a very strong person to be able to step out from everything that we can see and feel and put their faith in something that is beyond our understanding. I'm about to go on and on about faith and that's really not what I intended to write about. I guess I'll just end by saying that my heart goes out to those who really think that death is the end. It must make a really terrible time in one's life so much harder.

How you drive says a lot about you

Okay, I know its nothing new to be angry about other drivers but I just can't understand how people can be so inconsiderate. I'm driving down Market Street in West Chester and traffic is really heavy this morning. It is the most aggravating thing to watch people cut down the turn only lane to pass everyone and then cut back in. I know there was construction blocking Church Street so not everyone was trying to cut ahead but these are not isolated incidents. When only one lane was open on Market Street, people did it all the time. I would drive down both lanes to stop people from doing that. It was great to see how mad they got. I take a different way to work just to avoid the aggravation. But what it really comes down to is how thoughtless and inconsiderate some people are. It may seem like something simple and petty, but it really says a lot about a person. It says that they could care less about anyone else or how long they've been waiting their turn, I don't feel like waiting so f*** them. It shows their complete inability to see things from another's perspective. It amazes me the lack of empathy people have for others. Not just when driving, but in life in general. Its not as simple as being selfish or self-centered. Its not being able to understand or sympathize with anyone else's needs or values. But people's lack of empathy is a topic for another day. What I am really trying to emphasize is the "I'm only looking out for myself" mentality. I can understand having some cynicism but there is such a lack of courteousness today its frightening. I bet if you asked one hundred people what the Golden Rule is, less than half would know. I choose not to be cynical. I know people may take advantage of my good nature and basic trust but I would rather that happen once in a while and do the right thing, than be miserable and distrustful all of the time. I have helped people in my life with money, shelter, clothing and friendship and been completely betrayed. But I'm not sorry I did it. It hurt, but I know that I did what I could to better someone's life. They're the ones who have to live with their actions. And I doubt they are very happy people. So treat others the way you would want to be treated, or the way you would want someone to treat your mother. You may come across a few assholes but you'll meet more people who appreciate it. And you'll be a better person for it.

I know I kind of stretched the topic but my point is, how you drive says a lot about you as a person...and a lot of people aren't very nice.

Sometimes you need to let it go and move on

I have to write about an article that was on the front page of the Daily Local on Wednesday, August 22, 2007. I would post the link if I knew how. The article is about the West Chester University pool and the changes they have made to ensure that nothing like the incident with the intestinal virus happens again. They seem to have implemented safeguards to protect the public, hired more qualified people to make critical judgments along with technological advancements and letters of apology. But some people don't think that is enough. They want someone fired. This infuriates me. You don't think that the people involved in the decision to keep the pool open have felt the ramifications of what followed? You want to fire someone who may have children of their own? There was no malicious intent. No one thought that people would get sick if they swam in the pool. They weren't indifferent to those who suffered. This incident has caused the University to look at their practices and change it for the better. Did you lose your job because you or your children got sick? Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that an intestinal virus isn't an absolutely excruciating experience. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But you want to ruin someone's life over it? If it was your son or sister or uncle or mother that was responsible, would you still want them fired? I doubt it. Because you would know that it wasn't intentional and that they are suffering the consequences. What if they have kids, a mortgage, or others dependent on them. You want them all to suffer? You don't think that the lives of the people involved have been horrible for the last several weeks? Have you ever been so upset over something you've done that your stomach is in knots, you're nauseous, and you can't sleep? Its pure hell and punishment enough. If people got fired for every mistake that was made, no one would have a job. So, Darcey Doyle and Anne Maxwell, I think you need to get a life. I understand being upset about your children getting sick, but whats done is done and the best thing to do is try to make sure it never happens again. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...

Here goes

As I was driving to work this morning, arguing in my head (and out loud) with people who were in a newspaper article the day before, I found myself so frustrated that I couldn't actually tell these people how I felt and why they were wrong. I tried convincing myself to write to the Daily Local, but, while I was 100% determined to do it, I knew I probably wouldn't. By the time I wrote my letter, I'd probably be pissed off about something else anyway. Then it hit me. I should have a blog. I never would have thought of it except that the night before, my friend Jen showed me hers. This way, when I get really worked up about something, I can just vent, explain why I'm right, and then hopefully I'll feel better. And even if no one reads a word I write, the idea that someone may read it should help to appease my inner narcissist and need for people to listen to me.